It's O.K though, tomorrow and the rest of the week I will move my ass a little bit more.
Monday's and Wednesday's I have to work out before school. And do some stretching and stuff after school.
Tuesday's and Thursday's I will do it AFTER school at the gym.
Friday's - Outside, so I can get up and start my day... no classes.
I remember how confident I used to feel when my frame was more on the fragile side.
But it was also a very contradicting feeling. Sometimes I felt like a child that people could take care of.
And they did. No one took me seriously - I could hide myself and be passive. That was nice too.
I suppose some people felt sorry for me and wanted to help.
I specifically remember ordering food or getting coffee with whipped cream (every once in a while) and compared to my friends/siblings I always got so much more. Same employer, but when it was at a place that they could see me, they gave me more stuff.
I felt OK when my BF paraded me around like some sort of price. It was never his intention, of course, and I don't think he noticed it, or even thought about it that way. However, I noticed, I still notice.
I was semi-OK with it back then, because I felt pretty good about myself too at that point. Always uncomfortable around people, sure, but I could take it. Nowdays, he still does that, but I feel ashamed. I am just plain now, just avarage.
Some might argue that I am a sad person because I let my weight determine how I should feel.
I have nothing to say to them, but yes, I know, it is pathetic, but right now I am not strong enough to fight it.
We are all objectified as women and hopefully I can break free from it someday, but it's not now, the time is not right for me.
I think it's going to rain today.
Have a good one. : )
Cereal Skim milk - 105
Apple - 50
Pear - 50
Strawberries + Grapes + Miso soup - 50 + 50 + 80
Omelette - 200
4 pieces of sushi - 420
= 1005 kcal
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