Be strong?

It feels like a whisper in my ear - "Be strong."
And so familiar since that is what I tell everyone else to be.
"Be strong."

Yes. Yes. Yes. I will be strong. You don't need a new year to start over.
You need a new day. Today happens to be a new day. My new day.

When I am nervous I do 3 things. Talk non-stop. If I am really panicked I cry.
And, I eat. A lot. Mount Everest much.
The first days of the quarter is over and I need to control my nervousness and, literally not, eat it away.

I can do this. I can do this again, even though my face is so bloated from all the strange food I chowed down yesterday. It's a game. I need to learn how to get into it and navigate - kind of like Pac Man.
And although I have been doing good before, I believe it's important to share my failures too.
I used to be focused and strong but lately - for about a week - I've been...trying to make up for all the food I've refused to eat. And so, I ate.

No more. I'm sorry for a very depressing long post, however, this is my therapy and I need to get it out.

I found myself having a really hard time getting out of bed this morning.
It doesn't happen to me usually. I have the feeling that I don't have too much to look forward to
and motivate me at the moment.
Holiday season was simple, I wanted to look super fragile and look nice for everyone and for myself.
Events after events.

What about now? 13 weeks of dread. 13 weeks of hardcore studying. (Because B's are apparently unacceptable) After 13 weeks awaits a vacation to a country where prostitution, in form of Geishas, is legal.
But 13 weeks is so very,extremely, far away.

So, what should I do?
Be cliche and go for Valentines Day as the day I need to look fragile again? I'm not sure. And after all, I want to STAY that way, not just a temporary thing.

I need to be controlled to get good grades, I need it to be healthy, I need it to be happy.
All in all, my unhappiness creates my happiness.
And I do love the man I live with but I cannot tell him all of this.

Stay Lovely. I know everyone of you are strong and I enjoy very much reading all the blogs when I feel down.
It makes me stronger. And it makes me realize that we are all humans. Humans in struggle.
Too sappy? Well, stop reading then.