Coming back for more?

And so it happened, yet again.
Fighting, what's wrong with us? When it's good it's so incredibly good but when it turns bad (which it always does) it's disaster. Complete CHAOS!

He left last night, I had no idea where he went, but he dropped in at around 11.00 pm drunk and refusing to talk. I talked all morning, but I got no reply. The more I want to communicate the less he wants to speak.
I know this tactic and is hella effective, especially on me, I snap and become furious.

When he slammed the door, my first thought was to find comfort in food. I was debating so hard with myself if it was OK to get a piece of white bread with a fat-ass chunk of butter. I didn't. I would only hurt MYSELF just the same way he hurt me.

I am not slimming down again for him...I am doing it for me. He didn't even like the "super skinny" days.
I don't know if this is the end of a 4 year commitment. I hope not, but honestly I don't know what to think.
Even if we do start talking, I don't know what to say...if he says he is finished, I think I will accept. But I refuse to take the first step becuase I still love. I do. But I want him to be happy and if that cannot happen staying with me...he is free to leave.

I'll just stop eating all together then...at least I have a reason if that happens.

Sorry, very depressing.

Stay strong everyone, no matter what commitment you have made to yourself!