WTF

I felt brave today, so I took the scale out and I put it on the floor.
I psyched myself to do a weigh in with jeans, cardigan and everything else I had on.
112 lbs!? WTF! Seriously. I had 0.75 liters of ice-cream yesterday and I didn't do ANY exercise.
I think it's safe to say that: 1. I'm losing muscle mass.
                                        2. Stress is getting to me.

I've experienced this effect before when I get really stressed out, like I am now, my body doesn't get proper nutrition even if I do eat. If I keep this up I'm gonna get dizzy and eventually it's just gonna get worse and worse.
This morning I was dizzy - almost like things are moving around me when I'm walking, not so much when I am sitting down or focusing on something.

I can't go through all that sort of stuff again - I have exams to focus on and so I will try to manage my stress levels a little bit better.

I've also set a binge day on the 10th possibly 11th of Feb. I've done this because my sweet family at home has sent over some food stuff (candy) that I accidentally mentioned I missed.
Another reason is because the first round of exams end on the 9th, which means that my stress-level (no matter how much I try to control it) will be maxed out and I will need energy.

Boring post - sorry.

Take care everyone, stay as fabulous as you are!

One Rainy Day

I've been doing OK so far. Keeping under 1000 and I'm not really hungry as much as before.
I guess that's one of the perks about fasting.
I started drinking regular coffee again but not as much as before and I try to mix decaff and regular to make it a little "kinder" to my body.

 Weekend time means spending time with BF and doing homework.
He still asks if I want ice-cream or fattening drinks (not using the word fattening, of course) but since I'm
really not that hungry any longer, I say no. And he gets upset - "I thought you started eating again!!"
And so I have to explain to him how the body works and that I really cannot digest as much as before.
I can of course, but I don't want to.

He's been really frustrated as well because he stopped going to the gym. I've noticed the frustration and I told him not to feel guilty that it would take time from "us." Yes, we do live together but in this country it seems like everyone is working really hard and if I'm lucky, I get to see him around 20.00. I haven't been to the gym either but it was a conscious decision because I was downright fat a few weeks ago even though it's getting better now. I need to make changes too, but if I end up with B grades I can't justify spending time at the gym. I'd rather stop eating.

 I saw The Rite yesterday and I held high hopes for my fellow countryman of a director, but...hmm, it was entertaining but not THE BEST movie I've seen. The place was packed. I also "saved" 300 cal to spend at the theater and I got a Skinny Cow sandwich ice cream. OMG - Why didn't anyone tell me those exist!!

Anyway, time for homework . . . maybe some outdoorsy stuff too even though it's raining.

Stay cool people!

Day 7

168 hours of fasting is completed. Fast is over.

I say it with a smile on my face, I completed what I thought I couldn't complete!!
(Maybe now,  that will be the truth for biology  too.)

I broke the fast with a peach. And later I had 1/3 of a stuffed pepper with low fat cheese.
It was delicious, however, I couldn't finish one completely. Dessert was a low fat yogurt.

I just had breakfast and I'm already feeling a little more "energetic."
Last night it was still difficult to sleep  and I was so hot. I guess my body was making a hell of a lot
energy on whatever I put in the system.

Today is busy.

I wish you all a great weekend with lots of success!

Day 6

144 hours of fasting is completed. PoWWow to day 7.

Yesterday was a pain, not in terms of hunger but it feels like time
slows down the closer I get to the final day. And so, here I am, 19.00 it's officially over for me.
Now, I'm scared. Freaking out.
Do I really want to start eating again? I can save soo much time if I don't eat (and money). If I do start eating again, will I be able to manage it and eat healthy?

Today is grocery shopping day. We have nothing in the fridge and frankly, as long as there's a piece of cheese and some bread, BF will be just fine. So, today I need to get my butt to Safeway and buy stuff. Pick items we need and SHOULD eat and put them in the cart. Also, items I crave. No.

I will of course pull these few hours left off too, so I feel fairly confident about saying that I did what I thought I couldn't do. Awesome.

Although I know I just lost water weight (I will update weight later) it feels pretty nice to not have my tummy pressed against the jeans.

Now, I have to go to school and try to manage the embarrassment of my stomach groaning in the middle of class.

Followers, don't forget to smile! Sometimes, even if you feel like crap...it helps.

Day 5

120 hours of fasting is completed. Day 6,  Here I come.

Thanks for all the wonderful support and comments.
Without you and without the feeling that I need to achieve something,
I would've failed on the second or even first day. That's a fact.

Yesterday I had diluted orange juice, decaf coffee, 2 Cups of vegetable broth.
I have to say, that I really and truly believe that the veggie-broth does the trick.
It contains salt and minerals, and even though 1/2 a block contains 15 cal, I really think it's OK.
It also fills me up pretty good.

I wish I could fast when I don't have school, but let's face it...school is always there.
And right now, I study at least 6 h a day outside of school and I still feel like I'm barely keeping afloat.
Not cool, I don't know what I am doing wrong but obviously it's something.

BF thought I was only fasting for 2 days and had a chock yesterday when I told him it was 7.
"You'll go eat right now!!" - Eeeh, let me think about that, no? Not when I've come this far and I know he's only worried about me. For good reason, but still.

Got my period yesterday. Wohoo. Had extreme pain last night. Took 6 painkillers, they don't seem to work any longer. It scares me because I can't do anything without that kind of pain. It's in the back usually and then the stomach gets really really swollen, but back has always been the main issue.

I've been bad. I keep sneaking on to BF's computer and deleting things I don't find appropriate, doesn't matter if I am on period or not, it's disgusting. Eeek. This has always been our main problem. But to not put a password on the computer is like leaving gold out among thieves...and it's only occasionally that the password request doesn't work. Like yesterday. Bha! I will stick to my ideals and as long as I don't try to have another talk with him...he let's it slide. Sorry, too much private info  - I know, but it's a thing that bothers me, so suck it up :P

Alrighty, another nice spring day in January.
Hope I can survive today. Period sucks, what good does it do anyway if I don't want kids. Ridiculous.

Day 4

96 hours of fasting is completed. Day 5 started.

Yesterday was a pain. I was so weak in the morning and I felt like a zombie walking around Campus.
Not good, not good. My head feels light, and I'm almost fascinated by my own movements. Like it's not even my body moving because I have no idea what I'm thinking. Sounds scary?

But I'm doing OK I think. I had diluted orange juice and for both dinner and lunch I had 1 Cup of Vegetable broth. Maybe I shouldn't, but you know what, who the hell cares as long as I can avoid solid food right?
I hope my stomach doesn't start groaning in class again, it has a habit of doing that on Tuesdays and I feel so embarrassed. 1. I don't look so skinny so people will figure I am on a diet. 2. The slightly bigger kids, who will consider me skinny, will think that I am on a diet. 3. The instructor will think I am on a diet or that I need to go use the restroom, I don't know which is less embarrassing.
I  hate it.

I wish I didn't care so much of what people thought of me.


Today is going to be a long day. Biology is a pain in the ...! And the instructor seem to have a distorted comprehension of time. The work load is insane. Well, at least it keeps me busy!

Peace out lovelies!

Day 3

72 hours of fasting is completed. Waking up to day 4.

I'm so weak and tired all the time.
Got some juice yesterday and for dinner I had 1 Cup of Vegetable broth.
I don't know  if the later should been included in a fast, but my body and brain needed it.
I felt so good drinking the warmness and I really felt comfort in the taste it provided.

We went to farmers market yesterday. BF tried to coax me into tasting different things.
"Oh, it's just a tiny bite, blah blah blah." I remained firm and declared that if I tasted it, it wouldn't really be a fast any longer.

After that we went home and I took advantage of the energy surge I suddenly
experienced and cleaned. Unfortunately, my energy runs out really fast these days and by 20.00, I was done for it.
Went to bed around 10.15 and I think I fell asleep too.

I'm trying to figure out how to keep myself going today. School demands alertness and attention.
I possess neither of those things right now.
Perhaps I should bring some juice to class.

Still no regular coffee, however, if the weakness gets too intense, I will start drinking the holy black water again. I love my coffee so so much.

Weather is beautiful. It makes me happy.
Scale read 115 yesterday, but it's bullshit since it's only water weight lost.

Today I'm thankful for that I can walk around wherever I want without bombs falling on my head. : )